Saying Goodbye

Dear God,

Today I said goodbye to my past. It was hard I will say. I tried so hard to make my past a part of my future and you showed me how I had to let go. It was difficult and there was some hurt, but I know one day I will be grateful for my obedience. It is hard to imagine my past not going with me, but YOU ARE ENOUGH FOR ME. I want to truly believe that and live it out. I have to follow you and that means no turning back! My past can not define me anymore more. I'm trusting you in this. I pray you become my desire Lord. I know I still have to surrender in other areas, I pray you teach me how! I need you more than ever Lord. I want to give you the glory and praise for helping me say goodbye to my past today! Thank you Lord!

The Heart That has Been Forgotten

Dear God,

My heart for so many years has been locked away from the fear of feeling the pain that is within it. I know that feeling my pain is a part of the healing process, but it is a process I don't want to take. It is a process I don't even want to imagine. I have started and stopped back and forth. Many times I started the process on my own in my very own strength. I just want to be healed with a magical wand. That way there would be no work. It's tiring to continue to walk down the path you have called for me. Who did you create me to be? I know who you want me to be secretly. The desire to do your work lives inside of me. I can feel it. I just can't get to it. The reason I can't get to it is because I am held bound by pain. I swear it has chained like a prisoner. I hate the condition my heart is in. I even forgot my own heart. I forgot why you made it and why its important for ALL of it to be yours. I act as if you forgot about my heart. Who am I kidding, I forgot about my own heart. I always want to help heal hearts in the community and mine isn't even healed yet. How hypocritical is that!I swear I know the truth Lord. The reason is because I'm afraid. I need your help. I know it seems like I won't do it and at times I don't even try, but I want to try. I no longer want to forget my heart.

Love

Dear God,

I look at the beauty of being in a relationship and I wonder do you have love waiting for me? I know that your love is enough, I just want to know is there someone on earth that you created to love me in the way that you love me. I know right now is not the time to even think about being with someone, because of the condition of my heart. However, I still wonder. Those special hugs and kisses and secrets to share with that special someone. The encouragement and support that special someone will show. The dreams I can share with that someone. These desires that are hidden just for that someone. That same someone should be you first though. I find it to be selfish to desire to be loved by a human more than the desire to beloved by you more. How can I have revelation that your love is enough for me. This is so frustrating! You aren't in human form. I know that you are real. Your love is real, I know it is because I have experienced it before. But its tiring to search for you or even seek you. The enemy attacks me every time. Struggles come and it separates me from you, when it should bring me closer to you. I have a hard time accepting this relationship God. I feel divorced from you. I want to hear you! I want to know what it feels like to be loved! By you and a human. I want to experience a healthy love. Most importantly I want to love in a healthy way. I want to experience love.

Love,

Your Daughter

Dear God,

This week has been very difficult for me. I have struggled so long with trusting you and admitting the pain I hide deep within. I know that you desire a relationship with me,but, these walls are upon my heart. I am scared to let you in. How could I be scared of letting you in if you are the one who created me? Life is very difficult without trusting you. I have no peace and I often feel alone. You continue to provide for me, but I still stay at an distant from you. I would like you to tare down these walls that separates me from experiencing your love for me. I want to know and believe you love me. I let my flesh lead my heart. I honestly couldn't imagine why you love me or why you even desire to love me. I know that your love is unending, but I feel that I never truly let your love begin. I make excuses often on why I won't open up to you. I know you won't hurt me, but the question is do I believe it. I'm not sure if I believe you won't hurt me. You see I have taken hurt as my identity. It has made me a prisoner and left me locked in chains. I know that your love can free me. I just don't know how to let you in. I will admit that I am frustrated with myself and you. I don't know why I'm frustrated with you if you never did anything to me. How selfish can I be? God all I want to do is learn to love you and to allow you to love me. I want to be free and made whole. However, I always give up on the process. I wish you could heal me and I would not have to work for it. It's frustrating. I wish this relationship would require no work. I wish it didn't require me opening up, especially since you already know my heart. I'm just being honest. I know that honesty is needed in a relationship, but I honestly am afraid of that and to do it seems impossible. Please help me with these steps. I desire you, I truly do. I know my actions are proving different, but this is my heart's desire.I need you to open me up God. Please help me. Teach me God. Hear me. I want my heart to be yours. I have wasted so many years. I want to be free. I want to know you deeply. It just seems impossible.

Love,

Your Daughter