My heart for so many years has been locked away from the fear of feeling the pain that is within it. I know that feeling my pain is a part of the healing process, but it is a process I don't want to take. It is a process I don't even want to imagine. I have started and stopped back and forth. Many times I started the process on my own in my very own strength. I just want to be healed with a magical wand. That way there would be no work. It's tiring to continue to walk down the path you have called for me. Who did you create me to be? I know who you want me to be secretly. The desire to do your work lives inside of me. I can feel it. I just can't get to it. The reason I can't get to it is because I am held bound by pain. I swear it has chained like a prisoner. I hate the condition my heart is in. I even forgot my own heart. I forgot why you made it and why its important for ALL of it to be yours. I act as if you forgot about my heart. Who am I kidding, I forgot about my own heart. I always want to help heal hearts in the community and mine isn't even healed yet. How hypocritical is that!I swear I know the truth Lord. The reason is because I'm afraid. I need your help. I know it seems like I won't do it and at times I don't even try, but I want to try. I no longer want to forget my heart.
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