What is it to need you

Dear Heavenly Father,

This world is so confusing without you. I remember how my life once was when I didn't know you. My heart back then was so cold. I was broken and didn't have much value. I wanted to fit in with everyone else and I needed everyone else but you. My days were dark with no hope and I thought I could survive without you, How wrong was I. I needed you more than I needed air and still do. You see God to not know you is to not know myself. I live in a world where everywhere I look everyone is trying to find themselves in everything and everyone, but you. I don't want to be one of those people ever again. I was lost and forgotten. I know with you that I am never forgotten. You even left your mark to make sure that I would never forget that I haven't been forgotten. You left the mark of your son dying on the cross for me. When I think about what Jesus did for me I feel overwhelmed with love, and Lord there are days when I forget how much you love me. I get to these dark places when I become lost in my past or my own doubts, but the cross reminds me how much you love me. You do supply all my needs, but living in this truth can be difficult. My need for you should be a constant reminder, because when I forget, I forget you and who you want me to be.


Love your daughter <3

To Be or Not To Be Beautiful

Dear Heavenly Father,

My beauty for so long has been based on my opinion and the opinion of others. I want to know and believe that I am beautiful. I don't want to depend on others for my beauty and validation. I have for so long hid behind the mirror. The mirror of lies, I have to find my validation in you Lord. I know that you love me, but the question is believing me. It's hard for me to understand why you love me so much. You created me to impact this world and its hard to do that when I'm operating in a defeated mentality. I let the words that people have spoken over me defeat me. I want to run from those words and believe in the words you have spoken over me. I want to become the woman of God you have called me to be.  I know you have already started that process in me, and Lord I want to further in your love. I want to find my confidence in you and see your heart. I want to be yours and I want you to be mine fully. I want my love for you to be so radiant Lord, that the heavens will radiate from my heart. I know that you saved me and made me whole. I choose to draw closer to you Lord. I choose this day to serve you even when I'm stuck in the fog! Your love is worth it. I want to pump out your love Lord. I have to be more like you, I need to be closer to you.Beauty is not defined by my worth seen through the world, it is my worth seen through your heart.

Saying Goodbye

Dear God,

Today I said goodbye to my past. It was hard I will say. I tried so hard to make my past a part of my future and you showed me how I had to let go. It was difficult and there was some hurt, but I know one day I will be grateful for my obedience. It is hard to imagine my past not going with me, but YOU ARE ENOUGH FOR ME. I want to truly believe that and live it out. I have to follow you and that means no turning back! My past can not define me anymore more. I'm trusting you in this. I pray you become my desire Lord. I know I still have to surrender in other areas, I pray you teach me how! I need you more than ever Lord. I want to give you the glory and praise for helping me say goodbye to my past today! Thank you Lord!

The Heart That has Been Forgotten

Dear God,

My heart for so many years has been locked away from the fear of feeling the pain that is within it. I know that feeling my pain is a part of the healing process, but it is a process I don't want to take. It is a process I don't even want to imagine. I have started and stopped back and forth. Many times I started the process on my own in my very own strength. I just want to be healed with a magical wand. That way there would be no work. It's tiring to continue to walk down the path you have called for me. Who did you create me to be? I know who you want me to be secretly. The desire to do your work lives inside of me. I can feel it. I just can't get to it. The reason I can't get to it is because I am held bound by pain. I swear it has chained like a prisoner. I hate the condition my heart is in. I even forgot my own heart. I forgot why you made it and why its important for ALL of it to be yours. I act as if you forgot about my heart. Who am I kidding, I forgot about my own heart. I always want to help heal hearts in the community and mine isn't even healed yet. How hypocritical is that!I swear I know the truth Lord. The reason is because I'm afraid. I need your help. I know it seems like I won't do it and at times I don't even try, but I want to try. I no longer want to forget my heart.

Love

Dear God,

I look at the beauty of being in a relationship and I wonder do you have love waiting for me? I know that your love is enough, I just want to know is there someone on earth that you created to love me in the way that you love me. I know right now is not the time to even think about being with someone, because of the condition of my heart. However, I still wonder. Those special hugs and kisses and secrets to share with that special someone. The encouragement and support that special someone will show. The dreams I can share with that someone. These desires that are hidden just for that someone. That same someone should be you first though. I find it to be selfish to desire to be loved by a human more than the desire to beloved by you more. How can I have revelation that your love is enough for me. This is so frustrating! You aren't in human form. I know that you are real. Your love is real, I know it is because I have experienced it before. But its tiring to search for you or even seek you. The enemy attacks me every time. Struggles come and it separates me from you, when it should bring me closer to you. I have a hard time accepting this relationship God. I feel divorced from you. I want to hear you! I want to know what it feels like to be loved! By you and a human. I want to experience a healthy love. Most importantly I want to love in a healthy way. I want to experience love.

Love,

Your Daughter

Dear God,

This week has been very difficult for me. I have struggled so long with trusting you and admitting the pain I hide deep within. I know that you desire a relationship with me,but, these walls are upon my heart. I am scared to let you in. How could I be scared of letting you in if you are the one who created me? Life is very difficult without trusting you. I have no peace and I often feel alone. You continue to provide for me, but I still stay at an distant from you. I would like you to tare down these walls that separates me from experiencing your love for me. I want to know and believe you love me. I let my flesh lead my heart. I honestly couldn't imagine why you love me or why you even desire to love me. I know that your love is unending, but I feel that I never truly let your love begin. I make excuses often on why I won't open up to you. I know you won't hurt me, but the question is do I believe it. I'm not sure if I believe you won't hurt me. You see I have taken hurt as my identity. It has made me a prisoner and left me locked in chains. I know that your love can free me. I just don't know how to let you in. I will admit that I am frustrated with myself and you. I don't know why I'm frustrated with you if you never did anything to me. How selfish can I be? God all I want to do is learn to love you and to allow you to love me. I want to be free and made whole. However, I always give up on the process. I wish you could heal me and I would not have to work for it. It's frustrating. I wish this relationship would require no work. I wish it didn't require me opening up, especially since you already know my heart. I'm just being honest. I know that honesty is needed in a relationship, but I honestly am afraid of that and to do it seems impossible. Please help me with these steps. I desire you, I truly do. I know my actions are proving different, but this is my heart's desire.I need you to open me up God. Please help me. Teach me God. Hear me. I want my heart to be yours. I have wasted so many years. I want to be free. I want to know you deeply. It just seems impossible.

Love,

Your Daughter