Dear Father,
I'm struggling with so much right now. My faith has been trampled on and the enemy has been throwing darts at me like crazy. I feel the darts with fire burning my hope and dreams down. Kid I know you have called me to be something mighty and fierce, but in all honesty I'm not seeing that anymore. I see a broken woman who is running low on faith. I need you Lord to revive me. I'm weary with little strength right now. Please Lord reassure me that I'm not alone and that your will for my life isn't an imagination. Father, so many people look at me and think I'm a joke right now or they think I'm not trying, when Lord that's what I'm doing. This time is the hardest for me. This heart is dry Jesus. Please help me. Please hear my prayer.
Saturday, February 27, 2016
Thursday, February 18, 2016
Contentment
Dear Abba Father,
What can I say about my current situation. I would say that it's not what I would have thought it would be. I'm not where I want to be, and that has been hard for me to break away from. I will be honest with you about the pain and frustration even the anger I feel. I put a lot of time into thinking that what I want is my identity. It's frustrating to be in this place, and very hard to stay focused and content. There are times when I feel like breaking down or just ignoring you. I sometimes do ignore you. I get restless and depressed in this circumstance. My eyes and mind stay more focused on the trial than on you. I'm sorry Father that I get like that. Your humbling day by day. Teaching me that you have all control no matter if I like it or not. I prayed for you to take control I just didn't think it would look this way. I know that trusting you is all that I can do. I mean you took all other options away lol. Contentment is not an easy lesson to learn. It is difficult and sometimes tiring. Leaning on you is the only way to make it through. Your teaching me that. I will not lie and say I'm joyful or happy about this lesson. All I can do is admit my brokenness and despair, and trust that you will see me through.
Love your faithful daughter <3
What can I say about my current situation. I would say that it's not what I would have thought it would be. I'm not where I want to be, and that has been hard for me to break away from. I will be honest with you about the pain and frustration even the anger I feel. I put a lot of time into thinking that what I want is my identity. It's frustrating to be in this place, and very hard to stay focused and content. There are times when I feel like breaking down or just ignoring you. I sometimes do ignore you. I get restless and depressed in this circumstance. My eyes and mind stay more focused on the trial than on you. I'm sorry Father that I get like that. Your humbling day by day. Teaching me that you have all control no matter if I like it or not. I prayed for you to take control I just didn't think it would look this way. I know that trusting you is all that I can do. I mean you took all other options away lol. Contentment is not an easy lesson to learn. It is difficult and sometimes tiring. Leaning on you is the only way to make it through. Your teaching me that. I will not lie and say I'm joyful or happy about this lesson. All I can do is admit my brokenness and despair, and trust that you will see me through.
Love your faithful daughter <3
Sunday, January 10, 2016
What is it to need you
Dear Heavenly Father,
This world is so confusing without you. I remember how my life once was when I didn't know you. My heart back then was so cold. I was broken and didn't have much value. I wanted to fit in with everyone else and I needed everyone else but you. My days were dark with no hope and I thought I could survive without you, How wrong was I. I needed you more than I needed air and still do. You see God to not know you is to not know myself. I live in a world where everywhere I look everyone is trying to find themselves in everything and everyone, but you. I don't want to be one of those people ever again. I was lost and forgotten. I know with you that I am never forgotten. You even left your mark to make sure that I would never forget that I haven't been forgotten. You left the mark of your son dying on the cross for me. When I think about what Jesus did for me I feel overwhelmed with love, and Lord there are days when I forget how much you love me. I get to these dark places when I become lost in my past or my own doubts, but the cross reminds me how much you love me. You do supply all my needs, but living in this truth can be difficult. My need for you should be a constant reminder, because when I forget, I forget you and who you want me to be.
Love your daughter <3
This world is so confusing without you. I remember how my life once was when I didn't know you. My heart back then was so cold. I was broken and didn't have much value. I wanted to fit in with everyone else and I needed everyone else but you. My days were dark with no hope and I thought I could survive without you, How wrong was I. I needed you more than I needed air and still do. You see God to not know you is to not know myself. I live in a world where everywhere I look everyone is trying to find themselves in everything and everyone, but you. I don't want to be one of those people ever again. I was lost and forgotten. I know with you that I am never forgotten. You even left your mark to make sure that I would never forget that I haven't been forgotten. You left the mark of your son dying on the cross for me. When I think about what Jesus did for me I feel overwhelmed with love, and Lord there are days when I forget how much you love me. I get to these dark places when I become lost in my past or my own doubts, but the cross reminds me how much you love me. You do supply all my needs, but living in this truth can be difficult. My need for you should be a constant reminder, because when I forget, I forget you and who you want me to be.
Love your daughter <3
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
To Be or Not To Be Beautiful
Dear Heavenly Father,
My beauty for so long has been based on my opinion and the opinion of others. I want to know and believe that I am beautiful. I don't want to depend on others for my beauty and validation. I have for so long hid behind the mirror. The mirror of lies, I have to find my validation in you Lord. I know that you love me, but the question is believing me. It's hard for me to understand why you love me so much. You created me to impact this world and its hard to do that when I'm operating in a defeated mentality. I let the words that people have spoken over me defeat me. I want to run from those words and believe in the words you have spoken over me. I want to become the woman of God you have called me to be. I know you have already started that process in me, and Lord I want to further in your love. I want to find my confidence in you and see your heart. I want to be yours and I want you to be mine fully. I want my love for you to be so radiant Lord, that the heavens will radiate from my heart. I know that you saved me and made me whole. I choose to draw closer to you Lord. I choose this day to serve you even when I'm stuck in the fog! Your love is worth it. I want to pump out your love Lord. I have to be more like you, I need to be closer to you.Beauty is not defined by my worth seen through the world, it is my worth seen through your heart.
My beauty for so long has been based on my opinion and the opinion of others. I want to know and believe that I am beautiful. I don't want to depend on others for my beauty and validation. I have for so long hid behind the mirror. The mirror of lies, I have to find my validation in you Lord. I know that you love me, but the question is believing me. It's hard for me to understand why you love me so much. You created me to impact this world and its hard to do that when I'm operating in a defeated mentality. I let the words that people have spoken over me defeat me. I want to run from those words and believe in the words you have spoken over me. I want to become the woman of God you have called me to be. I know you have already started that process in me, and Lord I want to further in your love. I want to find my confidence in you and see your heart. I want to be yours and I want you to be mine fully. I want my love for you to be so radiant Lord, that the heavens will radiate from my heart. I know that you saved me and made me whole. I choose to draw closer to you Lord. I choose this day to serve you even when I'm stuck in the fog! Your love is worth it. I want to pump out your love Lord. I have to be more like you, I need to be closer to you.Beauty is not defined by my worth seen through the world, it is my worth seen through your heart.
Wednesday, October 7, 2015
Saying Goodbye
Dear God,
Today I said goodbye to my past. It was hard I will say. I tried so hard to make my past a part of my future and you showed me how I had to let go. It was difficult and there was some hurt, but I know one day I will be grateful for my obedience. It is hard to imagine my past not going with me, but YOU ARE ENOUGH FOR ME. I want to truly believe that and live it out. I have to follow you and that means no turning back! My past can not define me anymore more. I'm trusting you in this. I pray you become my desire Lord. I know I still have to surrender in other areas, I pray you teach me how! I need you more than ever Lord. I want to give you the glory and praise for helping me say goodbye to my past today! Thank you Lord!
Today I said goodbye to my past. It was hard I will say. I tried so hard to make my past a part of my future and you showed me how I had to let go. It was difficult and there was some hurt, but I know one day I will be grateful for my obedience. It is hard to imagine my past not going with me, but YOU ARE ENOUGH FOR ME. I want to truly believe that and live it out. I have to follow you and that means no turning back! My past can not define me anymore more. I'm trusting you in this. I pray you become my desire Lord. I know I still have to surrender in other areas, I pray you teach me how! I need you more than ever Lord. I want to give you the glory and praise for helping me say goodbye to my past today! Thank you Lord!
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
The Heart That has Been Forgotten
Dear God,
My heart for so many years has been locked away from the fear of feeling the pain that is within it. I know that feeling my pain is a part of the healing process, but it is a process I don't want to take. It is a process I don't even want to imagine. I have started and stopped back and forth. Many times I started the process on my own in my very own strength. I just want to be healed with a magical wand. That way there would be no work. It's tiring to continue to walk down the path you have called for me. Who did you create me to be? I know who you want me to be secretly. The desire to do your work lives inside of me. I can feel it. I just can't get to it. The reason I can't get to it is because I am held bound by pain. I swear it has chained like a prisoner. I hate the condition my heart is in. I even forgot my own heart. I forgot why you made it and why its important for ALL of it to be yours. I act as if you forgot about my heart. Who am I kidding, I forgot about my own heart. I always want to help heal hearts in the community and mine isn't even healed yet. How hypocritical is that!I swear I know the truth Lord. The reason is because I'm afraid. I need your help. I know it seems like I won't do it and at times I don't even try, but I want to try. I no longer want to forget my heart.
My heart for so many years has been locked away from the fear of feeling the pain that is within it. I know that feeling my pain is a part of the healing process, but it is a process I don't want to take. It is a process I don't even want to imagine. I have started and stopped back and forth. Many times I started the process on my own in my very own strength. I just want to be healed with a magical wand. That way there would be no work. It's tiring to continue to walk down the path you have called for me. Who did you create me to be? I know who you want me to be secretly. The desire to do your work lives inside of me. I can feel it. I just can't get to it. The reason I can't get to it is because I am held bound by pain. I swear it has chained like a prisoner. I hate the condition my heart is in. I even forgot my own heart. I forgot why you made it and why its important for ALL of it to be yours. I act as if you forgot about my heart. Who am I kidding, I forgot about my own heart. I always want to help heal hearts in the community and mine isn't even healed yet. How hypocritical is that!I swear I know the truth Lord. The reason is because I'm afraid. I need your help. I know it seems like I won't do it and at times I don't even try, but I want to try. I no longer want to forget my heart.
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
Love
Dear God,
I look at the beauty of being in a relationship and I wonder do you have love waiting for me? I know that your love is enough, I just want to know is there someone on earth that you created to love me in the way that you love me. I know right now is not the time to even think about being with someone, because of the condition of my heart. However, I still wonder. Those special hugs and kisses and secrets to share with that special someone. The encouragement and support that special someone will show. The dreams I can share with that someone. These desires that are hidden just for that someone. That same someone should be you first though. I find it to be selfish to desire to be loved by a human more than the desire to beloved by you more. How can I have revelation that your love is enough for me. This is so frustrating! You aren't in human form. I know that you are real. Your love is real, I know it is because I have experienced it before. But its tiring to search for you or even seek you. The enemy attacks me every time. Struggles come and it separates me from you, when it should bring me closer to you. I have a hard time accepting this relationship God. I feel divorced from you. I want to hear you! I want to know what it feels like to be loved! By you and a human. I want to experience a healthy love. Most importantly I want to love in a healthy way. I want to experience love.
Love,
Your Daughter
I look at the beauty of being in a relationship and I wonder do you have love waiting for me? I know that your love is enough, I just want to know is there someone on earth that you created to love me in the way that you love me. I know right now is not the time to even think about being with someone, because of the condition of my heart. However, I still wonder. Those special hugs and kisses and secrets to share with that special someone. The encouragement and support that special someone will show. The dreams I can share with that someone. These desires that are hidden just for that someone. That same someone should be you first though. I find it to be selfish to desire to be loved by a human more than the desire to beloved by you more. How can I have revelation that your love is enough for me. This is so frustrating! You aren't in human form. I know that you are real. Your love is real, I know it is because I have experienced it before. But its tiring to search for you or even seek you. The enemy attacks me every time. Struggles come and it separates me from you, when it should bring me closer to you. I have a hard time accepting this relationship God. I feel divorced from you. I want to hear you! I want to know what it feels like to be loved! By you and a human. I want to experience a healthy love. Most importantly I want to love in a healthy way. I want to experience love.
Love,
Your Daughter
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